I'm sinking. I've changed. And I don't even know if I want to be the simple me again. I'm just sinking. Just sinking.

So, we'll just look at each other

And so you'll keep looking at me with those crazy lost eyes of yours. I told you that I loved you, didn't I sweetheart. And you still say that I just won't enter your garden. And even worse, you won't really say a word to me.

So be things as you choose. And we'll just keep looking at each other, like we were saving each other from drowning. Supposedly far and yet so close. I love you.

But there's just one thing that's driving me crazy, the sound of you cough. Crazy but ya. Never missed a cough of yours, in all this time. Heheheehe. Each time you cough, the echo pierces right through me, that crazy feeling - it kills me. Please sweetheart just don't cough, not across the space between us.

The hell has my bubble burst

No my bubble hasn't burst. I love you sweetheart and nothing changes that. And so what if you.............
I'm a bloody dreamer and a fighter, God knows how. So be things the way you want them to, and the way I want them to...........
And joy and bliss always remains......

Burst My Bubble

Bliss and joy was all I spoke of and felt all these days. And now, it's just another beautiful evening and my bubble has burst. I lied. I said I loved him without wanting anything. But then yes I do want something, but not getting it dosen't make me stop loving him. I did what I had to do, and I'll keep feeling what I want to feel. I said that and I'll live up to that. Can't get myself to stop feeling that way.

We are going to win

Football finals was today. Italy won.

Roomate's gone out, partying for the final match. So I have the room to myself and I've decided not to sleep and make the most of it. I put up this lampshade a few days back, the room looks amazing, and there is music playing. Lovely weather tonight.

I told this friend that if we reach the cricket world cup finals next year, we'll go partying hard, that freak says it'll be a day match. I tell you we are so winning next year. It'll be perfect. Probably Sachins last and yes it'll be Dhonis first. I'll go crazy if we win. It's been too long now. I wish I was born when we won it, I missed it by two years. It's been too long. We are winning next year, I swear we are.

My friend

The other day I had dinner early and came right back to my room. Not lonely, not sad, just wanted to be on my own in my room before roomate got back. Not that I have issues with her, I like her. Just wanted to be alone. Came back and called mom and dad, and then called this friend. Like they say old friends are best friends......sigh......nothing like an old friend.
Spoke to her after quite sometime. We haven't really kept in touch, we don't know the details of each others lives. Not the way I'm in touch with Shally and others. But she's special, very special.
She spoke of the weather in Bombay and how it had been raining for the past two days, and she'd been sitting at home and reading. Though she doesn't really read. And I think I told her how the wind just wouldn't stop roaring here in Hyderabad. She told me that I must read the book she is reading, a friend of hers lent it to her, apparentely this friend of hers is the tallest model in India.
We spoke of other things and then for some reason I had to stop talking I told her I'd call her the next day, and well I still haven't. Doesn't bother me. She's there and she's one of my dearest friends.
There was this card that I wrote for her some five or six years back, she tells me she keeps it in her cupboard and reads it often still. I remember some of what I had written, but I still wonder what wisdom from me, back then when we were kids.
Love you sweetheart. Not like she's ever going to read this. Thats life, somebody yours without being a part of your life, the thought of someone making you smile and you not worried about ever meeting that person again. Nothing to gain, nothing to lose. Just a feeling that makes life beautiful.

If I Died Today

I have always been scared of dying. But somehow I don't feel like that now, atleast today, not that something happened today.
Yes I want to live long, do all that I want to, but just that I'm not scared of dying anymore. I wouldn't be scared if I were to die today.
I am happy today. And yes if I live long enough I'll be damn good lawyer, I'll get married if I want to, travel, go back to old places and memories, read a lot and do it fast (sigh...), spend time with old friends, be happy. So many things to do, and I seem to be running out of time. But honestly dying is o.k. with me.
You know how all your life you keep hearing things like live life to the fullest like its your last day and things like that, but don't really give a damn coz for some reason we believe we'll never die. But honestly thats how I'm living now, O.K...... maybe trying really hard to do that. I don't want to be somebody who postponed living, somebody who just dreamt and longed and desired. Sigh...I'm free......and I live the way I choose to...........
Reminds me, I'm planning this trip to Ooty, all by myself. Will leave as soon as I get a two or three day break. Me by myself on those beautiful hills. Sigh.

My Wedding Day

My weddding day. Something I think about very often. What happens if it happens.....Not about who it will be, not even you sweetheart. Not about which friends will come. Not about Shally, Bhavna and all other friends from school coming home to Ranchi for the first time. Not about my house being decorated. Just about my specs. I wear glasses. My power is not that high but well I can't really see without them, and I'm bloody scared of wearing lenses. Not that I think I don't look nice, with my specs that is, but then I have'nt ever seen a woman wear glasses on her wedding day. And It's very important since I want to be able to see everything that day. Anyway if there ever is "My wedding day" , I'll figure out.

Addicted

Addicted. Addicted I am to the words of my poet. Write me a line or two sweetheart. Wont you?

Barefoot in the Rain

I've been going late to class, ever since this semester started and I haven't had breakfast in days. Crazy, but I like it like this. Things just happening and you not really doing anything about it. Joy, it is.
There was something I have wanted to do for a very long time - run in the rain. Not really long, I make sure I run each time it rains. The other day I was late for class again and it was raining and you know what I did, got out of the hostel, took my slippers in my hand and ran, ran barefoot in the rain, almost half the way. Boy! was it joy.

I Told Him....And I'm High...

Sigh....I told him. Gives me a high, I swear it does. That day I felt I could run faster than the wind. I was free, there was nothing I could lose anymore.
Now.....
The way he looks at me. God! Gives me a high, I swear, Imagine him knowing everything. I thought I was the one being smart and wise here, but it was he who ended up telling me something I had forgotten, something that i always believed - you never have to cry, you just have to keep dreaming....oh boy I felt like hugging him, like he was my dearest friend. Feels so good when he is around, imagine he knows everything.

And...there is just joy and nothing else....will see him tomorrow..sigh....and yes I'll let him cast a shadow on my face so that I can stare back in his eyes.......I'm high and I'm FLYING..........

Her Giraffe is Hers

No I said it wrong the giraffe doesnt long for her giraffe. The giraffe is hers. And that has nothing to do with the buffalo - ugly, beautiful who cares. It has nothing to do with him. She chose him. And he was hers.

The Giraffe Will Always Long for her Giraffe

Don't know why but kids fall very easily for me (look at the way i say it). By kids I mean those a year younger or so. Don't know what I do (hehee), never do anything to lead them on but just happens.

I met this guy, a kid and well....he fell for me. He got down to asking if I was seeing someone and I told him I wasn't. I asked him the same and he joked and said something like he looked like a baby elephant (he was a little fat), and so probably no girl liked him, and by the way I'm considered to be pretty skiny and so maybe that makes me look tall. Imagine what he said after that, something like this, - I'm like an elephant and you're like a giraffe!!

Anyway..........

So what if the giraffe meets an elephant or a horse or a tiger, the giraffe will always long for her giraffe.....and so what if he pretends to long for the big fat ugly buffalo. Giraffes are made for each other. He was made for her. It was meant to be like that and it will always be like that................