There's this man, he makes movies. I'll meet him some day. He'll look at me from behind his glasses. Not more than a glance, meaningless for all the life that he has seen. He'd have to look nevertheless. Hear my story. Imagine it in his mind, while reading it. All the while smirking at me, for the life that he has seen and knows. Because he can't but see it so well in his mind, he'll take my story. All the movies that he's ever made end in a particular way. But my movie does not end in that way, but it doesn't end in a way that he wouldn't like either. For once he'd make a movie not for himself. He'd make it for me. My story, different from his. But he'd make it, through my eyes.He will.

(Sigh)

Somewhere beyond where black and white meet to become grey. Somewhere beyond where green flows beyond control. Somewhere beyond where red paints life. Somewhere beyond where yellow colours seasons. Somewhere beyond where purple tricks shades. Somewhere beyond that nameless angry colour. There. Millions miles away, but there.

Thank You

Love. Hurt. Lust. Four years. Dissolved in alcohol. Touch one. Kiss another. Hold yet another. Alcohol. Do what your sanity would'nt allow. How you pretended to be in love with one while yearned for another for so long. But today alchohol would set you free. You wait till alcohol tricks your loved one to fall in love with you. You could have who you wanted, the spirit burned the walls. You could confess to whom you admired. You could be brave, very brave and do what you've always wanted to.

A prayer on behalf of you - May God bless alcohol.

****************************************************************************

Undrunk, so undrunk. Not a sip. No thoughts of tricking that drunk boy. You sure can wait till another day, and let someone else have the chance today. How about the other one. You sure are braver than the drunk, so just go. You think he'll think you're drunk? No he won't, tell him that. Tell him of the perpetual madness in your sanity. No? You think there's no need? Because that's the truth of your existence? Because no one can change that, not even him?

A prayer for you - May God cure your madness.

A burnt flower market.

My favourite hymn in the church.

Your face in the morning - the life in my head.

I could hear the rumble. Far but loud. From down below the earth. I could feel the life in me, I heard the passion in me screaming out loud. I thought I was going to explode. I just sat still waiting for my time.

For all the beauty that you wanted,

waited for,

beauty you shall create.

My dream I wish to turn into a grain of sand and put in your eye. To float and swim there. Nowhere else does it seem more beautiful, least in my mind. It would'nt hurt I promise. It would come to life. And I would live forever.

The earth is going round the sun.

Ask me what love and loyalty is when I'm forty.

I don't even wish to look at you.

Just come close, I'll put a gold coin in your pocket.

ICICI, project finance, syndicate financing, securitisation of assets, asset reconstruction.

Whoever said there is no beauty left in this world.

To Be

Model and Ms. Priti - the most creative genius of my times, hair stylist, costume and make up artist

For a day you're dressed up, like you were made to look like that forever. For a day your painted face would reveal the truth. For a day you'd feel like a star.

And you'll know what Mr. Shahrukh Khan means when he says " My Grandmother used to tell me, 'ज्यादा फोटो मत खीचो। हर फोटो के साथ तीन सेकंड लाइफ के कम हो जाते हैं।' (Don't have too many pictures taken. Each photograph robs you of three seconds of your life.). I want so many cameras taking so many pictures of me at the same time that I only live for a moment. The cameras go khachak! And somebody asks, 'what happened?' And they say, 'He got photographed to death. He got shot.' I think that would be the nicest way to go."

P.S. -Big day on blogosphere, I quote Mr. Shahrukh Khan.

Cheers

Kohl

Gloss

Beautiful Face

Cheer.

Mask

Stick

Dance

Cheer.

Dust

Game

Glory

Cheer.

Cross Country

Glory

Pride

Cheer.

Music

Stage

Half Dreams

Cheer.

Love distorted by anger, desire and cinema.

Dreams and the little bit of ambition disappear.

I watch myself becoming bigger than my dreams.

Maybe I'll crash into the earth and burst into flames.

Maybe I'll just fly past, untouched.

Blue jeans, yellow tee shirt.

Quiet, very quite.

Searching eyes, waited and waited.

Magic

"जादू है मेरी हाथों में"

There is magic in my hands, I swear. This is what I've been saying since I was young. But there is magic in my hands, I swear. I swear. I can fix broken things. Touch of my hands and a computer thats not been working for months starts working. Come to my house on christmas, I do the house beautifully. I wash my clothes, better than any washing machine. I ride my cycle like a dream. I make good pav bhaji. These are just material things but hand on my heart if I were a surgeon/doctor I'd never let anyone who came to me die. That kind of magic I believe, that kind of power, that kind of faith. Some corner of my heart I'm convinced I was born to be a surgeon. I never tried being one, I'm just convinced now. Reminds me of an old man saw my fingers when I was young and said I was going to be a surgeon.

There was this boy I loved once. I could still fight the world for him, run the earth two times over, take him flying with my wings around him over the violent cruel sea and keep him safe, I have that kind of power. I don't love him romantically now, but I love him. I always believed that if I touched his face just once, with the tip of my fingers, it would work magic. He wouldn't even have to know that I touched his face, maybe if I could just touch it while he was asleep. His troubles would come to an end, it would have nothing to do with me, just that my hands would work magic. That kind of power, that kind of faith.

There is magic in my hands, I swear.

As I Please

I'll use you to write my poem.
I'll use you to write my story.
I'll use you to keep me alive.
I'll use you to feel pretty at times even.
I'll love you when I want to.
I'll forget you for a while even.
And when I fancy another boy
I'll fall in love with him too.
Love him.
Really love him.
I'll droole over that face of yours.
I'll laugh when I see you smile.
I'll envy your hair.
Each time I write, I'll write for you.
I'll walk past you when I'm happy.
I'll walk past you when I'm sad.
I'll sing to you even.
I'll use you.
And I'll use you.
And I'll use you.
What are you going to do about it???

Pineapple Pastry

Cold cold morning. In her city. She isn't going to meet me on time. So I go watch a movie. She'll be ten minutes. So I walk the lanes of the market, two times over. I haven't eaten since morning so I go eat a pineapple pastry. She tells me she's just reaching. I throw the paper plate in the dustbin and go meet her.

It was time, to sin again.

Apologies

big words
random day
fleeting glances.

no words
no madness
for you to smile.

जय हिंद

"देश मेरे
देश मेरे
मेरी जान है तू।
देश मेरे
देश मेरे
मेरी शान है तू"

जय हिंद।

Happy Birthday Mommy.

I ran. I ran staring at the sky, I didn't wish to "paint it red" I liked it blue so I looked straight again and ran. I stopped, talked and laughed, that makes me very happy. Then I ran again. Happy. I was outside my house. I went inside and sat beside my mother, I put my head on her shoulder, she touched my face, and I cried out of love for her. Then I left home and ran through my town, crying, still failing to understand why I loved it so much.

Then I ran to the city I've always wanted to go to. It was just what I'd always thought it to be. I stopped panting for breath. Marvelling at what I saw. Then I ran again, the city didn't end at the sea. So I ran till I reached the sea. I stood on the sand, panting, with my hands on my waist. Satisfied with how far I'd come. There was a man selling ice candy. Strange. I've never seen ice candy near the sea. I didn't buy any, I don't like pink candy.

Then I ran east. To this country where my father lived for a few years when he was young. I've never fancied going there, but that was what was there to the east. So I reached this country. I was a little tired so I decided to stay for sometime. At the centre of this town, was a place where they taught how to dance. So I stayed and learnt how to dance. It was magical.

Then I ran back. I ran towards this friends house, she met me half the way. We hugged. She took me home. She cooked for me, gave me her soap, her clothes to wear. We talked. She fed me dinner with her little cousins. Then we went up to her room and slept together under what she calls her warm magic blanket. We slept till noon. Then it was time to leave. I stood at the door in her clothes. And I said goodbye hoping to meet the most loving person I know again.

Then I just ran. Thinking random thoughts. I just kept running. I knew the dead end. I knew it. I knew I had to run to you. My life I had put in a little box and given to you. And you wouldn't even tell me where you kept it. You wouldn't even tell me if you tossed it into the sea, and dreamt your dreams happily in the night, unaware of my existence. While I lived happily in the box I gave you. It doesn't break my heart, I've never cried wanting you to love me. I just gave it all to you beacuse I wanted you to konw the secret I put in the box. And I wouldn't care if the world didn't know I was dead. I knew I wanted to give it you.

I gave it all to you. Yes you.

कुम्बक कू कुम्बक कू

घोडे की पूँछ
झरने के नीचे
नानी के घर के पीछे ।

पूँछ का आधा तुम्हारे लिए
पूँछ का आधा मेरे लिए ।