Happy Happy Birthday!!

Me turned twenty one today(October 28). Twenty one did I say!!!!
Crazy. Hard to believe. I'm sooooooooo happy today.

Thought I'd just look at this last past year. It's been crazy.
It's been perfect and I realise I wouldn't trade it for anything...

• Spent a beautiful summer month in this city all by myself. Lived like a tourist. Explored the city all by myself. Met a girl and that was the beginning of life changing forever, thank you. Stayed for a month but it's home now. How I long to go back. Some beautiful summer month, maybe.
• Have started going to the movies all by myself. Been to some more than five.
• Being in love. Then realising how half the humanity has gotten into this thing called unrequited love. I am not alone!!! hehhhhe..."still we live, still we love". And joy it is.
• This amazinmg trip to the beach town with Z dearest. Crazy, unplanned, on the edge. The most fun thing in a long time. The hours at the beach, the looooong walks, our hut, our kitchen hut, solar power, the crazy toilet, cooking, ommelete, bread and cheese, dining at fancy places....soooo much fun. And yes the fall on the beach which bent my knee, followed by a minor surgery, the knee still refuses to straighten. All this time the two of us not friends, still not friends, never will be. But it's this crazy bond I can't explain. Love you sweetheart.
• Have started going out eating all by myself, sometimes even to some fancy places. They treat you so well. First I thought it was pity because they thought you're lonely. But it's not like that, they treat you like a princess, you'll understand if you've been by yourself.
• Blogosphere!! Yes.. has brought so much joy, apart from the fact that I've really started writing, sneaking into the lives of soooo many people, known strangers, unknown strangers. It's crazy. People write so beautifully. Live life in so many different ways. I love reading women older than me particularly. I'm addicted. Blogosphere is where I want to be.
• Big earrings. Yes I've started wearing big earrings, I mean really big. Comes so naturally to me. I'm thrilled.
• There's just one thing that's going wrong. I don't seem to be making most of law school. I came here chasing a dream, the dream is still there then how dare I stop chasing it. If I live to be twenty two I swear this would change.

Life is crazy. Good to me, and I try to treat it well too. Can I say "too good to be true". I'm so bloody happy today. Tell me some place where I can go and scream, scream. Feels like of I were to run with all this feeling in the heart, for all this feeling in the heart I'd run faster than the wind, faster than the most beautiful wild horse, faster than a plane taking off. I'm flying, I'm free and no I don't have wings, I just have feet like nobody elses. Self conceited scorpio! Ain't I.
lalalallallalllalla

Arz hai...

Tumko dekha to samajh mein aya
tumko dekha to samajh mein aya
yeh chand aaj yun khila kyun hai
yeh tare intne khoobsurat kyun hai
yeh raat itni haseen kyun hai.


vaah vaah, vaah vaah. Happy Eid.

Happy Diwali!

Mere tumhare
sabke liye
happy diwali.
Sare sitare
sabke liye,
tumhare liye,
happy diwali.

- Home Delivery.

The men and the lady

While everyones leaving
and the lights are being turned low,
they enter,
one by one;
the men and the lady.

While they come every night,
she has certain lapses.
They sit together every night.
When she comes,
she sits all by herself.

On nights that she's there,
she wonders if they know she's back.
They look at her and
she can almost hear
them say "So, you're back".

All these nights
not a word spoken,
just the presence felt.
Because they're strangers.
Funny, but yes.

Strangers for now,
strangers forever.
Same in ways only they understand;
in their little world in the night,
far away from the rest.

Roses are red

Roses are red
violets are blue,
he's so pretty,
what happened to you.

Roses are red
violets are blue,
he won't stop frowning,
but why won't you.

Roses are red
violets are blue',
she wants to go running,
why can't she stop sleeping.

Roses are red
violets are blue,
he wanted to go flying,
but then why is he forgetting.

Roses are red
violets are blue,
he walked away,
but why did you stay.

Roses are red
violets are blue,
we're still the same,
but why so far away.

Roses are red
violets are blue,
years pass by,
and we still remain the same.

Roses are red
violets are blue,
she wanted to be a lawyer,
then why is she forgetting.

Roses are red
violets are blue,
she wanted to be a doctor,
but isn't a dentist a doctor too.

Roses are red
violets are blue,
you love your parents and they love you,
but what do you do.

Roses are red
volets are blue,
he's your best friend,
but Im around too.

Roses are red
violets are blue,
did you forget me,
or did I forget you.

Roses are red
violets are blue,
I'm still the same,
so what the hair is grown.

Roses are red
violets are blue,
he's squirrel eyed,
so what if you're four eyed.

Roses are red
violets ate blue,
I'm still the same,
so what the earrings are big.

Roses are red
violets are blue,
so what if "happy birthday" I didn't say,
the rainbow sure did.

Roses are red
violets are blue,
I don't have a sister,
but I thought we'd share yours, forever.

Roses are red
violets are blue,
we're still family,
so what I don't live the next door.

Roses are red
violets are blue,
deewali is here,
but where's the cold cold winter.

Roses are red
violets are blue,
the train comes down everyday,
then why won't you.

Roses are red
violets are blue,
you love him,
and so what if he does not.

Roses are red
violets are blue,
we can still play,
so what if you're now huge.

Roses are red
violets are blue,
we can meet once,
so what if not everyday.

Roses are red
violets are blue,
I love you,
and so what if we're not friends.

Roses are red
violets are blue,
she wants to take him running,
so what if he doesn't know she exists.

Roses are red
violets are blue,
he was so cute,
why did you stop learning the guitar.

Roses are red
violets are blue,
so what if years gone by,
all I need is a letter from you to keep me smiling forever.


Heavily inspired from the lives of people dearest, apart from mine. I could do "Roses are red..." FOREVER.

I never changed

Unrequited love(they call it),
fear,
tears,
death,
goodbyes for no reasons,
lonliness.
But I lived.
Changed every definition,
found joy in each of it.
Changed meanings.
And no, not out of vengence.
And now I live.
Happy.
Happier each day.
Happier than ever before.

I live.
For my sake?
No.
For his sake?
No.
But because I'm human,
and that's how we came from above.
Just that I never changed.

Squirrel eyed

He is squirrel eyed, just like this crazy little friend of mine. Squirrrel eyes are different from all other kinds in ways I can't explain. They gleam, if you've seen a squirrel you know what I mean. My friend is squirrel eyed all the time. But with him it's different.
He's squirrel eyed on days when his eyes don't seem lost, when he doesn't seem to be "searching for something"all the time. On days like these he walks fast like always. Ocassionaly, on days like these he walks past me singing. Sometimes I even know what song he is singing. And I wonder, is it joy or living out of vengence. Not for me to decide.

It's just that on days like these he's squirrel eyed and it drives me crazy.

You're Beautiful, that's all.
I love you, that's all.

Roomates guy

Roomates seeing this guy, shes in love...hehhhhhheeeee...
And she talks about him aaaall the time. He said this, he said that, we went here, we went there, we did this, we did that, he says this, he says that, he does this, he does that. And all the while that she is talking about him I smile ear to ear, amused coz its just so cute and funny, she talks about him all the time.

He is even been to our room. Men aren't allowed in the hostel but he came during holi when you could do absolutely anything. But back then they weren't together. She insists they were just friends then. But I insist that was when it all started. When he came to our room, he said he liked my side of the room better...hehhheeh

Anyway roomates happy, I'm glad. Things have changed so much, she doesnt watch movies on her computer anymore, doesn't read much. The phone just has to go tring tring and she hops out of bed, puts on her jeans and off to meet boy dearest.

Joy must be.....hehhhehe

from the heart

Aaj ji kar raha hai ki door kahin daud jaaon. Bas daudti jaon. Seedhi si sadak ho, charon taraf sirf hari zameen ho. Aur koi bhi paas na ho. Door door tak koi paas na ho. Phir jab thak jaon to kahin pe let jaon. Khoob der tak so jaon. Phir jab jagoon toh door door tak akele chaloon. Aur agar tab ji kare ki wapas lauton, tab lauton, aur agar ji na kare to kabhi na lauton.

*********

How I love writing in hindi. Wish I was good at it, I mean really good. Someday I will be. The words come from this corner of the heart that I can't explain.........

All that sound

For the first time I have this urge to write about something that has just happened. Such is the urge that though on the verge of losing all energy I turn on my computer and bother to sit outside the room for faster internet.

It was the concert night, a favourite band came down from pakistan all the way. I don't like them as people anymore(i never did), but their music is divine...well almost. theyre not really the favourite.

Screamed my lungs out, danced like crazy, was high. Few observations made......those men from the stage look at the women down there and believe it or not therez eye contact made in the midst of all that is going on. It happened all the time. With me too heheheheheeeee......

I was high. But then something happened. The guy said that it was the second last song they were singing, n its one of my favourites. And there I was in the midst of all the noise and people, dumb n still, thinking of him. I didnt want to sing, I didn't want to dance, didn't want to scream.......but did all of it. Because I promised I'd never stop living, for my sake, honestly more so for his sake, somehow believing that by doing this I will save him.

"What to you do to save the one you love"........what do you do....live....show him how I live....tell him It's a beautiful life.....tell him we don't have to be together, and that I never complain, It doesnt matter to me.......tell him I'd do anything to save him......but how do I save him.....how.....can you ever save another soul......how do I save him....what to I do, I love you......